Balance Beam- Francis Chan

Why NOT me?

I'm writing this to be an encouragement and help to those who may be struggling. This is not to say that I have it all together or figured out, but these are some insights I have gleaned through my experiences over the years. 


Many times as Christians we tend to question God when we face trials and difficulties. We become weary, worn down, and are ready to throw in the towel. We might ask Him,


"Don't you love me?" 

"How can a loving God allow such a terrible thing to happen?"

"Why me, Lord?"  


It may be hard for us to think of God as loving and caring when He "allowed" the pain. However, we need to step back and remind ourselves what is true. 

"Don't you love me?" 

Yes, He does. God loves His children immensely. Picture the most beautiful example of love we have on this earth whether it be a parent's love for a child or a husband's or wife's love for a spouse, and that does not even begin to scratch the surface of His love. We cannot fathom it in our human, finite minds. He is love, so there is no possible way anything He does can be anything other than love. Go to the Bible, write down every verse that describes His love for His children, and focus upon those when filled with doubt and despair.

Also, His promises are always true. As with love, He is truth.

"God never forgets anything He promises. That's right...never. God's agenda continue to unfold right on schedule, even when there is not a shred of evidence that He remembers. Even when the most extreme events transpire and 'life just doesn't seem fair,' God is there, carrying out His provendential plan exactly as He pre-arranged it. He keeps His Word." ~Charles R. Swindoll~

John 14:6 says, "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life". When He gives us promises in His Word, we can be confident that He will fulfill them because He can't go against who He is. But, we also must remember there are parts to those promises that are our responsibility to fulfill as well.

Matthew 11:28, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest". We must come. We can't expect God to chase us down, eliminate our distractions, tie us down to a chair, force His Word down our throats, and make us commune with Him in prayer. We must do those things ourselves and He will meet us in that place.

Another example is in 1 Peter 5:6 where it says, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time". Our responsibility is to humble ourselves. It doesn't say God is going to let us live your life how we want and then He will lift us up. No, we carry equal responsibility  to that promise. And, the end of the verse must be recognized as well, "and He may lift you up in due time". It doesn't say "immediately". Patience is required.

"How can a loving God allow such a terrible thing to happen?"

We live in a fallen world. Our lives are never going to be perfect here. With the entrance of sin, came pain, illness, heartache, and death. We can't avoid it, and it is not because God is judging us or abandoning us that we experience the discomforts of this earth. Man chose disobedience, and in choosing it, chose death and sorrow.  We need to focus on the fact that God is loving and keep our eyes on the evidences of that. He has granted great mercy and grace upon us to have not wiped us all off the planet to start over again. He has allowed us all a second chance. A chance to come back to Him and a chance to restore our broken relationship with Him.

Now to the tough question,

"Why me, God?"

I've been through a lot, and at one point, that was my question. I didn't understand. I had tried so hard to love God with everything, to serve Him willingly, to make Him the center of my life, and then it hit hard, the betrayal and abandonment of those I thought were my friends, the health issues, and attack after attack from the enemy. I would cry out to Him, "Why, Father? Have I not loved You enough? What did I do to receive this?" I would ask everything and during that time, I can't say I ever got a clear, defined answer to any of my questions. In fact, looking back, I think I was only able to cling to Him for dear life and hope the storm would soon be over (sometimes, that may be the best we can do). Now, the storm has calmed, although not completely over, and I have been thinking a lot about what I've had to face.

I would not wish for anyone to go through a a dark period like I did, a time of doubt, struggle, pain, loss, or sorrow, but because I have faced darkness of my own, I can confidently say that there is hope and there is a way to make it through. That hope and that strength is my God. Without Him, I wouldn't have made it to where I am right now. I can't imagine anyone trying to keep their head above water without hope and God's supernatural strength.

So, why me? I can't give a definite reason why because I think that is still unfolding in my life (maybe I'll never know this side of Heaven). But, I do know He has a plan to fulfill. I may not ever know why God chose to allow or continues to allow me to go through trials, but He has a purpose in it all. I believe because of what I have experienced, I have opportunities open that otherwise were not available to me. I have an understanding of many people that before were a mystery. I also have a strength in my relationship with Him because of what we went through together.

The more time I spend in the study of His Word and in His presence, the more I come to realize the question should not be "Why me?", but instead,

"Why NOT me?"

I have not come to this point because of my own strength and immense ability to overcome, but because of His. He has shown me that I can face great tribulation  and He will be with me and He will be my strength. Though it may have seemed as if He was distant during my time of darkness, I can see now that He was right there beside me.

I never expect this life to get easy. I may face even darker times than I already have, but I will rest in Him and the knowledge that He is my satisfaction, security, and sufficiency. He has chosen me for a specific plan, and no matter how hard it gets, I will seek to praise and glorify His name. Through happiness or sorrow, weakness or strength, health or illness, and betrayal or faithfulness, I will follow Him. He is worthy to be praised even in the storm.

Psalm 31 is particularly encouraging to me.

¹ In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
       let me never be put to shame;
       deliver me in your righteousness.

 ² Turn your ear to me,
       come quickly to my rescue;
       be my rock of refuge,
       a strong fortress to save me.

 ³ Since you are my rock and my fortress,
       for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

 ⁴ Free me from the trap that is set for me,
       for you are my refuge.

 ⁵ Into your hands I commit my spirit;
       redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

 ⁶ I hate those who cling to worthless idols;
       I trust in the LORD.

 ⁷ I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
       for you saw my affliction
       and knew the anguish of my soul.

 ⁸ You have not handed me over to the enemy
       but have set my feet in a spacious place.

 ⁹ Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
       my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
       my soul and my body with grief.

 ¹⁰ My life is consumed by anguish
       and my years by groaning;
       my strength fails because of my affliction, ^[a]
       and my bones grow weak.

 ¹¹ Because of all my enemies,
       I am the utter contempt of my neighbors;
       I am a dread to my friends—
       those who see me on the street flee from me.

 ¹² I am forgotten by them as though I were dead;
       I have become like broken pottery.

 ¹³ For I hear the slander of many;
       there is terror on every side;
       they conspire against me
       and plot to take my life.

 ¹⁴ But I trust in you, O LORD;
       I say, "You are my God."

 ¹⁵ My times are in your hands;
       deliver me from my enemies
       and from those who pursue me.

 ¹⁶ Let your face shine on your servant;
       save me in your unfailing love.

 ¹⁷ Let me not be put to shame, O LORD,
       for I have cried out to you;
       but let the wicked be put to shame
       and lie silent in the grave. ^[b]

 ¹⁸ Let their lying lips be silenced,
       for with pride and contempt
       they speak arrogantly against the righteous.

 ¹⁹ How great is your goodness,
       which you have stored up for those who fear you,
       which you bestow in the sight of men
       on those who take refuge in you.

 ²⁰ In the shelter of your presence you hide them
       from the intrigues of men;
       in your dwelling you keep them safe
       from accusing tongues.

 ²¹ Praise be to the LORD,
       for he showed his wonderful love to me
       when I was in a besieged city.

 ²² In my alarm I said,
       "I am cut off from your sight!"
       Yet you heard my cry for mercy
       when I called to you for help.

 ²³ Love the LORD, all his saints!
       The LORD preserves the faithful,
       but the proud he pays back in full.

 ²⁴ Be strong and take heart,
       all you who hope in the LORD.

"I Can't Do This Anymore!"

"I can't do this anymore!"

That statement has been my most often quoted-to-self statement. And, it's quite true. Without Christ, I cannot do this, much less do this anymore. 

I have had quite a summer. I had looked forward to a "break", whatever that means for me, but between work and still-unresolved health issues, it has been anything but a break. By the end of the school year, I was physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally drained and ready to spend my summer in bed. However, that idea was not based upon reality. So, I went on the job hunt, and God faithfully provided jobs for me (one as a nanny, and one in a daycare with infants).

I knew it was going to be hard to take on two jobs, but I didn't remember just how hard it would be. Working with kids can be very rewarding, but when you don't have much energy output to begin with, it can be quite challenging. I have almost made it to the end though. I have about 3 more weeks of work before school will start back up.

This entire summer, I have been telling myself over and over again of my inability to continue on. I think this self talk has occurred daily. Even so, whenever I have made that statement, "I can't do this anymore!" I hear that still, small voice say, "Exactly!" and I am reminded that I am not going to be able to do this on my own strength. It is essential that I abide constantly in Him. I am not in this alone, and I most certainly cannot do this alone. I guess that is the point He has been making ALL summer and it has taken me this long to get it.   

'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

~2 Corinthians 12:9~

I am going to be replacing my negative self-talk with this verse. I know it is something that is going to continue to be necessary not only through this summer, but also throughout the school year and after that...every day of my life. I'm so thankful that my loving Father has not left me to do this by myself. Life is most certainly not always easy, but living life with Him by my side gives me the power to make it through every trial and weakness.

Lukewarm and Loving It- Francis Chan

This will take a few minutes to listen to, but it's quite convicting. I really have enjoyed hearing Francis Chan's messages because of his obvious faith, love, and desire to live 100% sold out for Christ.

He Is With You

I heard this song the other day on the radio. How encouraging!
(Remember to turn the music off on the sidebar.)

 

There's a time to live
And a time to die
There's a time to laugh
And a time to cry
There's a time for war
And a time for peace
There's a hand to hold
In the worst of these
In the worst of these

He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still and your heart's a stone
Cryin' God, what'd you do that for?
He is with you

There's a time for yes
And a time for no
There's a time to be angry
And a time to let it go
There's a time to run
And a time to face it
There is love to see you
Through all of this

He is with you in the conference room
When the world is coming down on you
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore
And he is with you in the ICU
When the doctors don't know what to do
And it scares you to the core
He is with you

We may weep for a time
But joy will come in the morning
The morning light

He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space and you feel alone
And you're worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you've given up
On ever finding your true love
Someone who feels like home
He is with you

When nothing else is left
And you take you final breath
He is with you

Miracle of Life

This story brought tears to my eyes and brings proof yet again to the fact that our God is greater than anything perceived as humanly impossible. 

Better Than a Hallelujah

(Remember to turn off music on the sidebar.)

God loves a lullaby

In a mother's tears in the dead of night

Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

God loves the drunkard's cry

The soldier's plea not to let him die

Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful, the mess we are

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life

The dying man giving up the fight

Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

The tears of shame for what's been done

The silence when the words won't come

Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful, the mess we are

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing

Better than a choir singing out, singing out

We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful, the mess we are

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah

Update

It has been quite a while since I've posted. I actually was prompted to write after seeing that my sister was starting a blog focusing on her devotional times with the Lord. It was a little reminder that I haven't been very consistent with my blogging. I often think to write, but it just tends to be one of those things that gets placed on the back burner while I focus on other tasks. Anyway, I guess I'll give a little update of what has been going on over the past year.

August 2009
I returned from my much needed trip to Costa Rica. It was an excellent time of prayer, reading, learning and regrouping to return to school in September. The Gonzalez family was incredibly hospitable, gracious, and encouraging throughout my stay. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to be immersed in their culture and to have learned so much from their testimonies and love for the Lord. I look back on that time with thankfulness and gratitude that the Lord opened up the doors for me to go. I will always have a special place in my heart for the people of Costa Rica especially la familia Gonzalez.

September 2009-May 2010
I attended my first year at Evangelical Institute of Biblical Training (EI) in Greenville, South Carolina. It would take quite a bit of time to list all the many truths that the Lord has taught me, challenges I've gone through, and other experiences I've gone through over the past year. They most certainly are not all glamorous and exciting, and in fact, some experiences I had were incredibly difficult things to go through and learn from. However, I am once again thankful that the Lord placed me there and quite confidant that in everything He has a purpose to fulfill, and my role is to glorify Him through those circumstances. He has been faithful and upheld me throughout every trial.

May 2010-Now
I stayed in Greenville for the summer to work. God blessed me with housing and also with two jobs, one as a nanny and one in the infant room at a daycare. They have definitely kept me busy and have at times been quite stressful and difficult, but I'm thankful to have a job when it is such a hard to time to find work.

If everything goes according to my current plan, I will be going back to EI in September to complete my studies there. I am praying for strength for the coming year. Right now, another exhausting year is the last thing I desire to face, but I know that He will supply all my need and give me the strength I need for each day.

After EI
I have almost constantly had people ask me what I plan to do after EI. Honestly, I have no idea, and I'm not too worried about it. I am prayerfully seeking the Lord's guidance and what He would have me do, but I'm not spending too much time trying to plan out my life. That doesn't mean that I don't have my hopes, desires, and dreams, but in the end, I believe that God is going to do a much better job of planning my life out than I ever will, so I am placing my faith and confidence in Him. What He wants from me is that I glorify, serve, and honor Him in THIS moment, in THIS place, and in THESE relationships.

No Matter What

No matter how afraid I am,
He tells me I am safe in His arms.

No matter how insecure I am,
He tells me I am loved for who I am.

No matter how ugly I feel,
He tells me I am beautiful.

No matter how unimportant I feel,
He tells me I am worth His life.

No matter how inadequate I feel,
He tells me He will use my life.

No matter how sad I get,
He tells me joy will come in the morning.

No matter how desperate I feel,
He tells me to rest in Him.

No matter how many times I run away from Him,
He tells me to come home, He is waiting.

I am so thankful that no matter what I feel, what I do, or who I am, I can never change God's love for me. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. As unstable as I can be, He is the rock of my life. As humans, our emotions will fluctuate, but as God, He will never change. Thank you, Father, for your unchanging ways!

Isaiah 40:29,31

"He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
But those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."

Isn't it so great that no matter how low we go and how helpless we feel He is there and He picks up? I'm so thankful for His strength, His truth, and His unending, unfailing promises. When we put all our worries, fears, and hopes in His hands we will be free to soar on wings like eagles. Hope in the Lord, He is the source of all strength.

Dame Tus Ojos

I found this song shortly before I came here to Costa Rica. I absolutely love it. It has become my prayer each day. I am posting the English translation as well for those of you who don't speak Spanish. :) (Remember to turn the music off on the sidebar before playing.)

I'm Learning...

One of the hardest verses in Scripture to follow:

Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!

~Psalm 27:14~

But, God is good. He has a plan. He will reveal His plan in His timing. I meanwhile have to keep moving forward in obedience to His will. I've finally found peace in my waiting. I've finally taken my hands off of the steering wheel. The time I have been spending with God has been beautiful. I'm learning and I'm in a process, but I know God is revealing Himself to me. I don't know how to express all that He is doing in my life, but I can say this, I at last have found peace. I give thanks to all who have been praying for me. Your prayers are being answered.

Trust

"Live trusting God, don't die trusting man."

~Dr. David Platt~

Here in Costa Rica

I haven't written here in over six months. I can't believe how quickly time flies. I have had so many things going on in my life since the last time I wrote. I am currently enjoying a much needed rest in beautiful Costa Rica. After the past few months of a hectic, go-go lifestyle, I am finally able to rest. Being here is a spiritual retreat. I can spend hours each day in God's Word, prayer, and of course, catching up on my sleep. My host family has been so welcoming and inviting. I felt like part of the family from the day I arrived. They are an answer to my prayers and I thank God for them. I have still be struggling with extreme tiredness, but I trust that God is going to heal me and give me rest. I am hoping that in the next three weeks (I go home August 13th), I will be able to blog more and share some of my experiences.

What Makes Christmas Meaningful?

What do we teach our little girls?

This is disturbing. What has the world come to?

Matthew 5:3-12 (The Message)

"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.

"You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you.

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought.

"You're blessed when you've worked up a good appetite for God. He's food and drink in the best meal you'll ever eat.

"You're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourselves cared for.

"You're blessed when you get your inside world—your mind and heart—put right. Then you can see God in the outside world.

"You're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. That's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family.

"You're blessed when your commitment to God provokes persecution. The persecution drives you even deeper into God's kingdom.

"Not only that—count yourselves blessed every time people put you down or throw you out or speak lies about you to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and they are uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—give a cheer, even!—for though they don't like it, I do! And all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company. My prophets and witnesses have always gotten into this kind of trouble.

~Jesus~

In the Quietness of the Morning

I happened to wake up at 3:30 this morning. I desperately wanted to go back to sleep since I had only slept for 5 hours, but I guess God thought differently. As I lay there longing to fall asleep, I began to sense God's Spirit nudging me. So, I began to pray. As I did, I sensed God inviting me to spend some time with Him.

I'm ashamed to say that recently I have not been very attentive to my time with God in His Word and in prayer. I've been going through routines and the motions, but I have been pushing my Father out. Why? I have no idea. Maybe the physical never ending tiredness wore me down so much I didn't think I could put energy into one more thing. Whatever the reason, I have been able to tell the difference in my life. My days have been dragging and hard. I know I have been ignoring that call from Him. I would say to myself, "I just don't have the time, energy, and focus". But I have missed Him. I've disregarded those conversations with Him as I'm driving and instead have turned the radio on to drown out the silence. I've pushed aside the precious times sitting and learning from His Word and instead have filled those moments with aimless internet surfing. I've drifted away from the habit of sharing my life with Him and instead have closed up and acted as if He doesn't know what's inside. My focus has gone away because everywhere I look, I see Him and think about Him. So, I block everything out so I don't have to think. I'm a Believer, there is no doubt about that, but why have I done this? I don't believe it happened by me deciding I wanted to do it. It happened because I didn't guard myself. I allowed things to slowly creep in and before I knew it I was miles away from Him. So, this morning, at 4 o'clock, He began once again to call He was calling for me to come back. This time I listened.

After some time in prayer, I sat down and began to read in Matthew. I chose Matthew because I have been reading a series of books called The A.D. Chronicles. It is several stories of people living in Jesus' day (beggars, cripples, lepers, shepherds, great rulers, and Pharisees). While fictional, it has stirred in me the desire to know Him, really know Him. I believe that many things I've thought of Christ are flat out wrong. It's time for me to find out for myself who He is. So, Matthew it was and He taught me so much. I saw things I've never seen before and it has strengthened me once more. The peacefulness of the morning was beautiful. I think I can do this thing called life, the despair is gone. I've come running back to Him. It will take a while to get back to where I was, but I'm getting there. I think I can keep going now, because this time, I'm not alone (Maybe I'll start blogging a little more regularly, too).

Getting Back to Blogging

Wow, it's been quite a while since I last wrote here. It's been 6 months! I can't believe it. I definitely need to get back to blogging. Hopefully, I'll have plenty of material. There's a lot going on in the world today, so I don't think I'll be lacking in things to write about. Let's just hope I don't bore everyone with my rambling. Anyway...here I go again.

When I Grow Up

Yesterday, I was reading a Dora the Explorer book to the triplets. It was about "what I will be when I grow up". One page had a teacher, Boots, and two students, a little girl and a little pig sitting in desks. The other page had Boots playing baseball. Boy 1 pointed to the baseball player and emphatically declared, "I'm going to be a baseball player!" Boy 2 pointed to the teacher and said, "I'm going to be that guy." Then Girl exclaimed, "I'm going to be a pig!"