"I Can't Do This Anymore!"

"I can't do this anymore!"

That statement has been my most often quoted-to-self statement. And, it's quite true. Without Christ, I cannot do this, much less do this anymore. 

I have had quite a summer. I had looked forward to a "break", whatever that means for me, but between work and still-unresolved health issues, it has been anything but a break. By the end of the school year, I was physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally drained and ready to spend my summer in bed. However, that idea was not based upon reality. So, I went on the job hunt, and God faithfully provided jobs for me (one as a nanny, and one in a daycare with infants).

I knew it was going to be hard to take on two jobs, but I didn't remember just how hard it would be. Working with kids can be very rewarding, but when you don't have much energy output to begin with, it can be quite challenging. I have almost made it to the end though. I have about 3 more weeks of work before school will start back up.

This entire summer, I have been telling myself over and over again of my inability to continue on. I think this self talk has occurred daily. Even so, whenever I have made that statement, "I can't do this anymore!" I hear that still, small voice say, "Exactly!" and I am reminded that I am not going to be able to do this on my own strength. It is essential that I abide constantly in Him. I am not in this alone, and I most certainly cannot do this alone. I guess that is the point He has been making ALL summer and it has taken me this long to get it.   

'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

~2 Corinthians 12:9~

I am going to be replacing my negative self-talk with this verse. I know it is something that is going to continue to be necessary not only through this summer, but also throughout the school year and after that...every day of my life. I'm so thankful that my loving Father has not left me to do this by myself. Life is most certainly not always easy, but living life with Him by my side gives me the power to make it through every trial and weakness.

Update

It has been quite a while since I've posted. I actually was prompted to write after seeing that my sister was starting a blog focusing on her devotional times with the Lord. It was a little reminder that I haven't been very consistent with my blogging. I often think to write, but it just tends to be one of those things that gets placed on the back burner while I focus on other tasks. Anyway, I guess I'll give a little update of what has been going on over the past year.

August 2009
I returned from my much needed trip to Costa Rica. It was an excellent time of prayer, reading, learning and regrouping to return to school in September. The Gonzalez family was incredibly hospitable, gracious, and encouraging throughout my stay. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to be immersed in their culture and to have learned so much from their testimonies and love for the Lord. I look back on that time with thankfulness and gratitude that the Lord opened up the doors for me to go. I will always have a special place in my heart for the people of Costa Rica especially la familia Gonzalez.

September 2009-May 2010
I attended my first year at Evangelical Institute of Biblical Training (EI) in Greenville, South Carolina. It would take quite a bit of time to list all the many truths that the Lord has taught me, challenges I've gone through, and other experiences I've gone through over the past year. They most certainly are not all glamorous and exciting, and in fact, some experiences I had were incredibly difficult things to go through and learn from. However, I am once again thankful that the Lord placed me there and quite confidant that in everything He has a purpose to fulfill, and my role is to glorify Him through those circumstances. He has been faithful and upheld me throughout every trial.

May 2010-Now
I stayed in Greenville for the summer to work. God blessed me with housing and also with two jobs, one as a nanny and one in the infant room at a daycare. They have definitely kept me busy and have at times been quite stressful and difficult, but I'm thankful to have a job when it is such a hard to time to find work.

If everything goes according to my current plan, I will be going back to EI in September to complete my studies there. I am praying for strength for the coming year. Right now, another exhausting year is the last thing I desire to face, but I know that He will supply all my need and give me the strength I need for each day.

After EI
I have almost constantly had people ask me what I plan to do after EI. Honestly, I have no idea, and I'm not too worried about it. I am prayerfully seeking the Lord's guidance and what He would have me do, but I'm not spending too much time trying to plan out my life. That doesn't mean that I don't have my hopes, desires, and dreams, but in the end, I believe that God is going to do a much better job of planning my life out than I ever will, so I am placing my faith and confidence in Him. What He wants from me is that I glorify, serve, and honor Him in THIS moment, in THIS place, and in THESE relationships.

Here in Costa Rica

I haven't written here in over six months. I can't believe how quickly time flies. I have had so many things going on in my life since the last time I wrote. I am currently enjoying a much needed rest in beautiful Costa Rica. After the past few months of a hectic, go-go lifestyle, I am finally able to rest. Being here is a spiritual retreat. I can spend hours each day in God's Word, prayer, and of course, catching up on my sleep. My host family has been so welcoming and inviting. I felt like part of the family from the day I arrived. They are an answer to my prayers and I thank God for them. I have still be struggling with extreme tiredness, but I trust that God is going to heal me and give me rest. I am hoping that in the next three weeks (I go home August 13th), I will be able to blog more and share some of my experiences.

In the Quietness of the Morning

I happened to wake up at 3:30 this morning. I desperately wanted to go back to sleep since I had only slept for 5 hours, but I guess God thought differently. As I lay there longing to fall asleep, I began to sense God's Spirit nudging me. So, I began to pray. As I did, I sensed God inviting me to spend some time with Him.

I'm ashamed to say that recently I have not been very attentive to my time with God in His Word and in prayer. I've been going through routines and the motions, but I have been pushing my Father out. Why? I have no idea. Maybe the physical never ending tiredness wore me down so much I didn't think I could put energy into one more thing. Whatever the reason, I have been able to tell the difference in my life. My days have been dragging and hard. I know I have been ignoring that call from Him. I would say to myself, "I just don't have the time, energy, and focus". But I have missed Him. I've disregarded those conversations with Him as I'm driving and instead have turned the radio on to drown out the silence. I've pushed aside the precious times sitting and learning from His Word and instead have filled those moments with aimless internet surfing. I've drifted away from the habit of sharing my life with Him and instead have closed up and acted as if He doesn't know what's inside. My focus has gone away because everywhere I look, I see Him and think about Him. So, I block everything out so I don't have to think. I'm a Believer, there is no doubt about that, but why have I done this? I don't believe it happened by me deciding I wanted to do it. It happened because I didn't guard myself. I allowed things to slowly creep in and before I knew it I was miles away from Him. So, this morning, at 4 o'clock, He began once again to call He was calling for me to come back. This time I listened.

After some time in prayer, I sat down and began to read in Matthew. I chose Matthew because I have been reading a series of books called The A.D. Chronicles. It is several stories of people living in Jesus' day (beggars, cripples, lepers, shepherds, great rulers, and Pharisees). While fictional, it has stirred in me the desire to know Him, really know Him. I believe that many things I've thought of Christ are flat out wrong. It's time for me to find out for myself who He is. So, Matthew it was and He taught me so much. I saw things I've never seen before and it has strengthened me once more. The peacefulness of the morning was beautiful. I think I can do this thing called life, the despair is gone. I've come running back to Him. It will take a while to get back to where I was, but I'm getting there. I think I can keep going now, because this time, I'm not alone (Maybe I'll start blogging a little more regularly, too).

Getting Back to Blogging

Wow, it's been quite a while since I last wrote here. It's been 6 months! I can't believe it. I definitely need to get back to blogging. Hopefully, I'll have plenty of material. There's a lot going on in the world today, so I don't think I'll be lacking in things to write about. Let's just hope I don't bore everyone with my rambling. Anyway...here I go again.

Easter Family Photo

I've been intending to get this up all week. I guess it's the thought that counts, right?

I'm back!

Alright, it's been a while and that hiatus was a little longer than expected, but I am going to try to get back to blogging!

The Hiatus Continues

I really want to get back to posting more regularly, but I'm quite tired, busy, and have several things that need to be accomplished. So, for at least the next week, I will probably not be posting very much. Not that I don't have many things I could be writing about, but I'm just trying to choose the best things to focus on right now. I'll be back in a few days. :)

Photos from Callaway Gardens

I was gone over the weekend to Callaway Gardens with my mom. It was a good chance to get away from all the hustle and bustle of everyday life, and my mom and I were able to do some catching up. I really needed a getaway like that. Here are some pictures from the butterfly center.

Kids Will Be Kids

The other day when I while babysitting, the 4 year-old managed to pull the shutters out from the window when I was out of the room. I came back in, immediately stopped her, and began an attempt to fix it. They were a little bit confusing and I couldn't figure out how to make them go back in, so I asked her, "How did you do this?". Her reply in complete seriousness while demonstrating with her arms, "With my strong muscles".

You always get the answer you were looking for, right?

Getting sick...

I'm getting sick. I really shouldn't complain though. I haven't been sick in several months now. I've been wiping runny noses, cleaning up sick kids, and being coughed all over every day, but I've been fortunate to be able to avoid getting sick.(I give most of the credit of avoiding sickness to my Vitamin C, GSE, and extreme water intake when I have the slightest inkling that I'm beginning to come down with something.) I'm hoping this won't last long and won't effect my energy level too much.

Getting on Track

I'm finally getting back into a schedule... today I exercised! It's been at least 4 months since that occurred (not a good thing for my health by any means). I feel so energetic right now. :) I'm hoping to keep this up and include at least one hour of exercise each day. This step is great progress for me. Usually, I come in from a day with the kiddos, calapse for a nap, and end up not being able to sleep at night which makes the cycle of exhaustion continue the next day. I've got to change that habit. Not only do I need more energy, but I also need to incorporate exercise for my health. Now...my goal this week is to get into a routine and find the best time each day to include some physical activity (besides chasing a three year old around all morning).

Yet Again...Sorry!

I really need to get better about this blogging thing. I know, I know, I keep saying that, but once again, the entire week has almost passed and not a post since Monday. I've got to get into a routine with work, exercise, and reading. I also want to add church activities in again. I've missed being involved at church. Last year and this past quarter have been so terribly hectic and I was forced to drop back on my activities, church being one of them. I don't think it was the best decision, but at the time, I was so overwhelmed I had to do something. Anyway, I've got to get into a routine and hopefully, I will be able to schedule the blogging in on a regular basis. Maybe I'll post the schedule once I've written it out so I can be somewhat accountable. Well, I'm off to bed, I have another day with the triplets tomorrow! :)

Whew!

Whew! What a day! A wonderful one, but a long one. I began a new three-day-a-week nannying position caring for three year old triplets today. I'm very excited, and I know I am going to love the job. The kids are very well behaved, absolutely adorable and a BIG plus isthat I am working for a Christian family. I've also been blessed to get another nanny job I am able to work on the other two days of the week.

I'm very excited to see how God is providing for my step of faith. He has covered insurance, money, scheduling, and is continually showing me His faithfulness in obeying His call. I know that it's true, I can't build my faith by sitting in the boat thinking about taking action, I have to get up (work up the courage), get out (take the first step), and walk (go beyond the first step). AND might I add, KEEP WALKING and not ever take my eyes off the One in control of the raging seas.

Well, I'm off to bed, but hopefully, I'll be posting again soon, I really need to form a better habit of sitting down and writing at LEAST every other day. I'm working on it... :)

Should Women Go To College?

Well, my conviction even before reading this was no, but after reading C.S. Hayden's blog on the subject, I'm convinced. I should not be spending my time now pursuing a degree in college. I will not say I'll NEVER go back, because I have no idea what the Lord may lay on my heart in the future, and it may be something I can only accomplish through obtaining a degree. However, at this point in my life, I have much better things to reach for and pour my energy into.

As some of you may know, I have decided not to go to college after over 1 year in the college system. I went to Ga. Perimeter (a junior college) last year and then attended Chattahoochee Tech. for a culinary arts program this past quarter. I've been miserable ever since I started. I never wanted to go at all. I had never pictured college in my life. While in middle and high school grades, I always had the mindset of finishing high school and afterwards preparing for life as a wife and mother. Unfortunately, I gave in to pressure from many people and enrolled in college. I've never in my life been so unhappy, unsettled, and restless.

God convicted me over the summer during a time of much prayer and Scripture reading. The message I heard over and over was the call to be a wife and mother. I mean, to think, here I was in another country, serving the Lord, impacting so many for Him, having this wonderful, life-changing experience...and He was telling me one thing. "Sallie, My call for you to be a wife and mother is just as important as any work you will do in foreign missions." I see it now and my mindset has been so skewed. Someone has to train up the next generation in the Lord. Being a supportive wife and caring mother who invests in her family is a VERY important role. I'm not cut out to lead, I know that. Now I see so much more clearly that the position He has called me to is a perfect fit. I don't have to keep trying to fit into other people's expectations of me.

At this moment, I still question my decision to drop college, but it's not because I think I will want or even need a degree one day. It's because I just want the pressure from others to ease up. (Especially, since I'm not even married yet!) That's not the Christian's call though. I'm not called to conform. I'm called to stand up for my convictions and beliefs, go against the flow of society if necessary, and follow the Lord in all to fulfill His greater plan. That's my goal because I only answer to one person, the God of the universe.

Christmas Photos

Update

I highly doubt that I'll be able to get back to normal blogging until after the holidays are over. I had HOPED to, but it looks like I'm busier than predicted. Tomorrow and Sunday are taken up with family gatherings on my mom's side and then my dad's side of the family. Then, Monday is Christmas Eve! I can't believe it, it snuck up on me this year. On Christmas Day we'll be at home and celebrate Christmas as a family and on Christmas night, we'll celebrate my birthday. I'm going to be 20!! I feel so old :). I just do not feel like I'm 20, I feel more like I'm 16. My life is not at all the way I envisioned it to be when I turned 20. Anyway, on December 26, I'll be getting my wisdom teeth extracted :(. I'm not too excited, but it'll be a great relief to have it done and off my mind. That pretty much sums up my next week. I'll try to get back to blogging as soon as I fully recover from my surgery. Though I'll make no promises since I will be looking for a full-time job, figuring out insurance, and trying to discover where God wants me to go next. I would greatly appreciate all of your prayers as I make some important decisions and seek the Lord's will in my life. Thank you so much to all of you who keep me in your prayers!!!

Pictures From Sunday, December 9th

I didn't mean for it to be over a week before I posted again. Things have been very pretty hectic during the last few days. Sorry! Here are a few pictures from our family get-together last Sunday.


Cousins (From left to right, Daniel, Jordan, Claxton, Dylan, and Stephen)

(From left to right, John, Beeky, Grandma Julia, Mom, and Me holding Julia)

(From left to right, Grandma Julia, Mom, Me, and Julia)

Tomorrow is my last day of classes!! I'm so very excited. I have my culinary final in the morning, sociology final around noon, and then, I can finally take a breather! (Well, at least from school.) I'll be working a lot these next couple of weeks before Christmas, but I won't have to be focusing on projects, tests, and such.

Today, we all went down to McRae (South Georgia) to visit with family. It takes anywhere from 3 to 4 hours to get there. We were able to make record time this morning (despite leaving 1 hour later than planned) and arrived 3 hours after departure. This gathering is mostly extended family that we are unable to see very often. As a matter of fact, we see them once a year (the second weekend in December, to be exact). So, it was good to see everyone and amazing to see how everyone is changing so much. This year, there were 3 new baby additions to the gathering and they were already 6 and 9 months old! As I've mentioned before, time goes by WAY too fast.

Well, I've got to get to bed so I can focus tomorrow during my finals. I might be able to post a few pictures from today later on in the week, but that's it for tonight!

A Little Update On Me

I have so much going on in my life right now. I keep on intending to post on many articles, books, and thoughts, but my life is far too hectic at the moment to get my thoughts together. I could post on some of those things, but thought I would save you all the trouble of trying to figure out what I am really trying to say by waiting until my mind is a little clearer to write. (I'm praying that is very soon!)I am winding down with school now and am already feeling the burden lift off of my chest. I never imagined that culinary arts would be so emotionally and physically draining. I've seen a side of the restaurant/food industry I didn't even know existed. Maybe I'm just a little naive, but it was a shocker. Anyway, I will have my last two finals on Monday, then I'll be finished! Hopefully, after school is out of the way, I will be able to write here more often and more in-depth.